Gary's Blog

I realize how much I have depended on context for my life to have meaning. Family, church, school, career, … now jump out of the cultural context nest…

I find I am not drawn to teaching. Rather I am drawn to exploration, research, applied research, applied spirituality, applied Pathwork, if you please!

Fully showing up, naked as it were, means that not only my talents are visible but also my faults and foibles, things I do not want to see in myself.

In sitting with the idea of surrendered leadership from my previous post, I realized that surrendered leadership is in fact Leading from Presence

I felt satisfaction and joy as we adjourned … But in the hours and days after this event a heaviness came upon me. It is one thing to MC an event, but quite another to play a leadership role in our Helper Community.

I am passionate about many things spiritual and psychological, about insights and new experiences. Then when my enthusiasm is not shared, I am disappointed. …

Today I was in the agony of this diversity. …The material that I had created that tied many ideas together for me did just the opposite for them. It was too complicated, it was rigid, it was wrong in so many ways, not at all how they saw things. … I had a number of options.

…Suddenly I could feel my jealousy, my need to be recognized as being competent, superior, and even top dog. These feelings began to take me down and turn my “oh so wonderful day” into a bust.

In my early fifties, after a satisfying career, family life, church life, and adequate status in my stable social structure, I was arrested by a feeling of emptiness. … I did not know it at first, but what I was looking for was love.

I could see so much of my life has been about saying YES to things where the true me would have said NO. This applied to key relationships, to church and church activities, and to many roles in other organizations. I was always caught by form and my ego attached its identity to that form.