Gary's Blog

During meditation yesterday morning I reflected on what might be the best days of my life. What kinds of things would arise? Birth of my children? Accomplishments? Applause? A Religious Experience? A day in a special relationship?

I notice that often I make decisions with an expected future outcome or goal in mind. This approach is pervasive in me. Seems reasonable enough to me. How else would one make decisions? It relates to decisions with my finances (will I have enough money), diet (will I not gain weight), and most activities I am in.

The joy and thrill of Life comes from riding the waves of Life, much like the thrill a serf-board rider gets in riding the waves of the ocean or the thrill a concert pianist gets in playing a Mozart Concerto well, quite apart from the applause of the audience.

Pathwork Lecture 9 suggests we find daily time with God for nurturance and sustenance. We set our intention for this time with God. Sometimes this happens in my daily meditation practice. Sometimes in my rich conversation with Pat and others.

In working so much with the Pathwork Lectures I realize that so often I skip through the words of wisdom rather than stop, sit with, and reflect upon these words in relationship to my life experiences. I am reminded of a story of two researchers given the task to understand the rivers of the world.

Three thoughts floated up in me. First, during my lifetime my consciousness and experience of God has continuously evolved. So from my observer self I experience God as evolving, when in fact it is simply my awareness of God that is evolving.

It’s 3:00 AM and I awake with an awareness about God that seems to apply just now. It bubbles up as if out of a dream and feels important. What I notice in my recent wrestlings about the roles of Jesus Christ and God in my life, my so-called personal relationship with Jesus Christ, is that my external relationships with God or Jesus Christ of younger times, built on the dualistic level of consciousness that separates, have disappeared and the internal relationship with God, or Source, or The One that includes me as part of the All, the experience of What Is from the unitive state of consciousness, has not yet landed for me. I seem to be between “Gods.”

Pat and I shared my Easter experience summarized in my previous blog entry with an enthusiastic newly-born Christian in his thirties. He was thrilled at our focus on a personal relationship with Christ – “YES, that is what Christianity is all about,” he exhorted enthusiastically, “a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.”

Four days ago, while talking with Darlene, a seasoned Pathwork Helper friend in our Sevenoaks Pathwork Helper community, she mentioned the Pathwork Lecture study class she has been conducting over the phone. She has been using the early lectures: 3, 5, 7, and 9, the ones that lay out the early foundation of Pathowork.