A Pathworker’s Blog

“So Gary, you’ve been deeply into Pathwork as your spiritual path for 13 years. I want to cut to the chase. Tell me, on a scale from 0 to 10, 10 being “blissed out,” how happy were you when you came to Pathwork and then how happy are you today? …”

I feel shame for not being present to you or to US. Then I start feeling trapped. Suddenly I am not free to be me, right where I am. If I’m honest I have to admit to myself and to you that I start resenting you. I get all caught up in these reactions and feelings – a huge disharmony inside – feeling constrained, shut down at the level of my Essence.

As I step down from leadership at Sevenoaks I still feel responsibility to support the people who stay in key responsibilities through this transition. The next two months will be challenging, …

In recent mornings I have been aware of anxiety in me, even a mild depression. So it is not surprising that in reading an article by Daniel Smith, Nothing to Do but Embrace the Dread (here embracing his dread of his persistent anxiety) in yesterday’s edition of the New York Times, I could not help but think of my experiences and how Pathwork supports me.

… I learned a bunch – about the Lecture we were sharing (Pathwork Lecture 17: The Call – Daily Review), about Pathwork in general, and about facilitating of groups.

As usual, this week my daily review has revealed many disharmonies in my life, granting me a window on my Soul’s Journey and leading to self-knowledge…

I realize that I am often not aware of what is motivating me in my many facets of life, yet I seem so involved in the seeking process – seeking without even knowing that I am seeking it seems.

… what I left out was the physical, emotional, and sexual aspects of my Essence. These aspects were quite undeveloped, especially as related to my connecting to women.

In fact I did not “get” that simple presence held any particular value at all, and that what Pat really values in me is my simple but full presence to her – as the quote from Thich Nhat Hahn says.

A sudden sense of having wasted my entire life surfaces. Do I leave the planet any better than I found it? Was that even important? Does any single life really matter in the end? An existential purposelessness sets in.