Discovering the Heart’s Way of Knowing
The new theme this week in ICN’s Allen Bourque’s daily meditation group has been activating witness consciousness from the heart…relating to our experience from the heart as an organ of knowing. Allen noted that the heart’s experience of knowing would allow us to experience the heart’s way of knowing God, a knowing of God apart from the mind’s experience of knowing God. I was glad for this.
What surprised me in this guided meditation was that as I let go of the mind and focused on my heart it was indeed possible to focus on the heart’s way of knowing and that this experience was different from the mind’s experience of knowing. I could not name or describe this heart knowing experience (naming and describing being tasks of the mind) but could recognize that the heart’s experience of knowing felt real in some way. I could surrender to it. As I did, I realized that this experience was actually familiar to me but that I had not recognized it as such. This again was a surprise.
I realized that my heart’s way of knowing has something to do with my being drawn into various groups, especially dyads, and most especially with my partner Pat, even though I had not been conscious of this energy in me for connecting to others. I smiled inwardly at this realization.
Then I realized that I had been unconsciously starving for this experience of the heart’s way of knowing, and further that I had been denying that my heart’s way of knowing was actually an experience of love. In fact, despite comments from many others, I had been claiming that I did not love, that instead I was a rather cold individual in the presence of others. Somehow, perhaps from early traumas of feeling the absence of emotional presence from primary caregivers, I was afraid to experience my heart’s way of knowing, afraid of connecting, afraid of loving – fearing that if I allowed my love to connect to others I would only be rejected and left alone in the world. Instead of loving I would perform or be of service to others to experience connection. This of course led to a life of loneliness and unnecessary effort to achieve, serve, or perform in order to connect. Thankfully I am now finally but slowly growing beyond “doing” and coming into “being.”
But these reflections came along only after my experience of witnessing my heart’s way of knowing. During meditation I could but allow the experience to affect me, to relax me, to excite me.
I’m feeling much love and gratitude for Allen and his faithful offering of these daily meditations, and for those who faithfully show up to join Allen thereby enriching the group experience – making it daily WeSpace group, a great way to begin the day.
Shared in love,