Gary's Blog

… I had no such connection that I could remember in my entire life. Could this be true? It seemed like bonding 101, yet I could not say that this had been a felt experience for me.

“So, Gary, is that OK with you that you do not like people?” My immediate answer of course was, “Absolutely not! It is not OK to not like people.” “Not liking people” violated core “shoulds” in my Idealized Self Image.

Through my first five decades of life I was very immature in the matters of love and Union, and in the end this immaturity and what it led to – in both my marriage and my divorce – was so devastating to my wife and to my own soul.

…who in my life has inspired me toward self realization – toward being fully who I am. Good question, and at first I drew a blank.

How can I have very deep conversations with so many people on the one hand and say I avoid healthy mature attachments to people on the other? Why do I insist that I don’t belong?

Freedom to be ME with all of my anxiety, my defenses of pride and self-will, my enthusiasm for life, and more.

I noticed that when I sensed that I am thus held I could, for that brief moment, surrender to “what is.” And in those brief moments I felt safe, relaxed, and in a state of equanimity.

it was another sobering day, a day taking me closer to seeing and accepting who I really am – merely and utterly human. Here was the litany of what floated up…

… the Sunday edition of the New York Times … Frequently we are stimulated and stretched by articles contained therein

A Helper Session: My Presenting Problem: Getting in touch with my self-hate – especially self-hate of the physicality of my sexuality, my sexual instincts.