Archive for August 2009

For some reason I am more aware of the pain around me. Pain in my children’s lives, dear friends battling cancer, and tensions galore in the Pathwork community I serve.

I realize that depending on approval from the outside will never satisfy. …Intellectually I realize that only I can say I am OK, and MEAN IT.

I resisted negative feelings such as helplessness, hopelessness, loss, and sadness. I denied these feelings in myself and raised huge walls of resistance against feeling them.

I can see plainly my commitment to productivity and effectiveness … And I was blind to any downside to such a skill.

…I have been in a foul mood for several days. The clouds would lift for a while, but then come swooping in again. I would just watch and be curious, and perplexed, about what this was all about.

…my sense of being peripheral to key decisions left me feeling an outsider.

… shadow work is for the second half of life, or Midlife. The first half of life is time for building up one’s ego and one’s mask self that “fits in” with the culture.

…as I sit with this angst it arises in me the notion that my deep needs for belonging are not being met very well.