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A Shared Life of Wrestling, Growth, and Discovery

Valuing the Warmth of Connection

Tuesday, February 16

In the beginning half-hour of silence of my meditation with Pat (See Form of Our Meditation), the following inquiry arose: Can I come to value the warmth of my connection with Pat? 

I want to move beyond the excitement I feel over the insight of realizing that I may long for the warmth of our connection. But am I ready to do the scary work of entering this space of experiencing and allowing the warmth of connection? This must begin, of course, with a warm connection with myself – not an easy assignment!

I do not want to try to write about this experience – for the experience is beyond words. Words keep me at a safe distance from feeling even my longing for the warmth of connection. So let me set the words aside.

To begin with, can I allow the experience of pleasure from simply sitting here with Pat in front of the fireplace? Can I feel pleasure in our hug and embrace at the end of our long meditation time?

To feel such pleasure with Pat, I need to let myself slow down.  And in slowing down, I need to let go of my thinking mind, that connecting-the-dots kind of exuberance that gives me such a feeling of pleasure from insights.

My bonfire of pleasure from insights overwhelms, dwarfs, and smothers the small but growing candle of pleasure in me arising slowly but surely from the warmth of connection with Pat during our meditation time and during our closing hug and embrace. 

Enough.

I am aware that these blog entries need more rawness – there is no time to tidy things up into a cohesive sharing. Life is happening fast now.

Shared in love, Gary

Epilog

After sharing this with Pat this morning, she said, “Amen, Hallelujah, Aho” Ah yes, Amen, Hallelujah, Aho.

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Gary Vollbracht