What Blocks Me in MY Call?
I am in the throws of three Pathwork Lectures these days:
L194 Meditation as Positive Life Creation (referenced by my helper Moira in our most recent session)
L114 Struggle: Healthy and Unhealthy (in my recording process)
L104 Intellect and Will, as Tools or Hindrances of Self-Realization (also in my recording process)
Much is being stirred and aroused in me through working with these lectures. Suddenly I am led to ask the question, “Gary, what blocks your manifestation of who you are on planet Earth?” The answer comes spontaneously and with great clarity: “I struggle to follow roads others have made, rather than create and follow my own road!” I struggled to follow the road of the Lutheran Church, then Evangelical Christianity, next Ken Wilber, also pursuing Life Coaching as taught by the Newfield Group, searching, searching for some structure in which I would fit and from which I could manifest.
Alas, my most recent attempt was with Pathwork. I tried to become a Pathwork teacher. Perhaps this would give me a structure in which I could fit and contribute. But it hasn’t worked. In fact my attempts worked horribly and were exhausting me. The more I struggled to be a Pathwork teacher the worse things got. I just could not do this. How Pathwork was being taught just did not fit who I was. I could not relate to CORE, to sweat-lodge, to emotional processing over and over again, even to teaching Pathwork lectures as a set of concepts or ideas. My entire being rebelled against these modalities, and I had to drop out of being on the Pathwork faculty at Sevenoaks. Very painful. Very confusing to me. What was wrong?
Then it came to me. These ways of teaching Pathwork so inherent in our work at Sevenoaks are not MY ways of teaching Pathwork. This is NOT making Sevenoaks wrong, but it is giving me clarity that I have to find my own way. My ways have to do with providing the audio readings of the lectures so folks can immerse themselves in the teachings through a different portal – the aural portal. It includes helpership – working with individuals, supporting them in their own spiritual and personal growth, a process of sharing what I have absorbed from the lectures and from my own life, intending to be offered in a container of care and love for other folks on the path.
Are there other things that attract me that could be offered? Is there a style of teaching that would fit me? In meditation (while holding L194 in my being) the thought occurred of offering Pathwork Life Mastery classes or webinars. The name “Life Mastery” came up in a Pathwork leadership meeting, but it fits my sense of what I could offer.
How might this work? What arose were some of the following ideas. After a short centering meditation the participants (including me and other leaders) would write out 2 or 3 issues in there lives – things that do not seem to be going as well as one would like. We would read these quietly to ourselves and then meditate a bit longer and write out what else came to us. This would bring clarity to what troubles us in life just now.
Next, a short section of one of the Pathwork lectures could be read. It could be read aloud, but each person would also have a copy in front of them as well. We would spend some time reading this to ourselves, and then write out what stirs in us from this reading. What insights come? What is troublesome or confusing? What inspires? What discourages? Whatever comes up – we write it out and read it over to ourselves.
Next 2-3 participants (including leaders from time to time) could share (read aloud) what they wrote. What else stirs within them as they read? Each participant could also write out what stirs within them as the reader shares.
Finally the participants could reflect and write out how they intend to carry this experience into their lives in these next few days. Perhaps the next class could begin by two or three sharing what happened. The class could end with a blessing.
I notice that this follows some of the Progoffian techniques of Journal Writing Workshops, but it has more of a Pathwork basis and encourages more sharing and connecting – more MY way. I also notice that this framework could be used privately on one’s own in a daily meditation between classes. It could also lead to mini helper sessions between classes – maybe half-hour sessions with a Pathwork helper to explore more deeply what was coming up from the exercises.
I notice I have some energy for this. Actually a lot is stirring. Now I intend to reflect more on Lecture 194 and perhaps share these thoughts with a few other Pathworkers. What are your thoughts, ideas, interests – for what I have shared, OR for your own manifestation of your Call in your life?
With love, Gary