Trusting One's Inner Compass

I wonder why I pursue the things I pursue, sometimes relentlessly.  Most noticeably of course is my insatiable appetite for the Pathwork Lectures.  But there is more. For example there is the book that Pat and I are reading by Sandra Maitri, The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram. Something draws both of us to this deep spiritual material, material which is so masterfully and skillfully laid out.

Or a cogent sentence on the spiritual teacher Almaas website describing the Diamond Approach of the Ridhwan School, The desire to return to one’s true nature is an innate impulse within the soul, which, in time, will manifest as the spiritual search.” I just say “YES!”

Or in a Pathwork Council meeting today when a member said boldly, “All our Pathwork concepts and practices tie into the grand picture of our journey to God,” and went on to say how we as a teaching community must keep this context in our consciousness in all that we do. My heart melts with passion at such a statement.

All of these incidents, materials, and people inspire me and enliven me.

And yet there are many many other things, spiritual and otherwise, that do not resonate with my soul.  They may resonate with another’s soul but not mine.  Or they may have resonated with me earlier but don’t as much today.  But may again later on.

It’s as if my journey has a direction to it, as if I am climbing a mountain.  I do not have a map, but I seem to have an inner compass that recognizes and resonates strongly with “North” when “North” is spoken. I hike and climb, relentlessly it seems.  What is behind this drive, this determination?

I realize that I am not hungry to teach or to be a Pathwork helper just now, but rather my insatiable hunger seems to be for a direct experience of my connection to God. My inner compass knows this and leads me.  It is a deep intuitive sense inside of me. My Pathwork helper leads me to see that this deep intuitive sense is my truth channel.  I can trust it.  I can’t seem to not trust it.

Yet there is fear in the climb for me.  At times it is if my thirst is unquenchable yet I am sitting in a boat on a clear lake, cup in hand, refusing to drink.   Dare I drink from the water all around me? “Don’t ask why you don’t, Gary, rather dip into the water and drink.”  I do and immediately peace fills my soul.  I look out and see the water is always there and has always been there, it is unlimited.  In my excitement of daring to quench my thirst from the unlimited waters that surround me, I jump into the water and splash about with joy.  Yes, peace.  All part of the journey.  Yes!

A Pathwork friend of mine and I are planning a six-lesson evening series on the soul’s search for purpose and meaning.  This really excites me.  The outline of the series came to me in a meditation about a month ago.  And yet with my excitement and the fun and energy my friend and I have experienced in preparation of the series, I have hesitation.  I am again in my boat in the lake with my cup but refusing to drink.

But to this hesitation my inner compass says, “No, Gary, jump, jump into the lake of the unknown.  You have no idea what will happen, how could you?  And it matters not.  Jump.  Something in you Knows this is right action.  And remember your only credential for co-leading this class is your faithfulness to your relentless search for an experience of your connection to God, an experience of God’s LOVE. This credential is enough! Onward.  Onward.  Trust your compass.  It has brought you this far, my friend.”     And so it has.  So can I face the fear and jump through it?  I really cannot Know what is there ahead of time, only experience it in the moment I jump.

And thus is another day in the journey of life.  I’ll take it!