Soothing The Bouncing Ways of Dualistic Living
Beautiful time with Pat the day before, but this day — it was last Thursday — I got all knotted up in my underwear again. Writing my previous blog entry last Thursday made me nervous. Then I led a Pathwork Council Meeting Thursday morning, and felt I led it poorly. Others said not, but something in me felt off. I was thrown off by an email I got from a friend. Raced to write up notes from Pathwork Council Meeting. Then later that day I was in a nearly two-hour Pathwork Board Executive Committee meeting. For this meeting I was ill prepared to give my financial updates since we had run into a snag on some of the forecast numbers. And I had been philosophically opposed to some actions that I was now OK with, but in this meeting I was feeling beat up for not “being in line” with the other two’s thinking. All my stuff, of course! At the end I blurted out some inane statement about my not being up to their standards of leadership to serve on the Executive Committee. Even as I said it I felt stupid in making the remark, and this feeling of shame hung with me.
But then two people ordered my Pathwork DVD — two people ordering one in the same day has not happened before — and I noticed that I suddenly felt better. But I also noted I wanted more here. Could they not have said even more positive things about these recordings! God, is my ego never satisfied! Also I got the Council notes out, organized our helper membership donation data, and got a better handle on the Sevenoaks finances. Granted this latter stuff all happened between 2:30 and 4:00 AM Friday, but it made me feel better. I got something accomplished — my doings serving as my medication for feeling better when I am undone in my being state.
But on the other hand I noticed that I have not been recording lectures for a few weeks again now, and more personality conflict material is coming up in our Pathwork community. This sent me down again. So bouncing around from feeling bad to feeling good to feelings bad again. AND I was aware that I was caught up in duality in this ping-pong game of life I was experiencing. I know in my head that I need to just be with it all. Life isn’t “good” or “bad” based on outer or even inner circumstances. But this head knowledge was not helping.
I brought all of this to our coffee time with Pat on Friday morning. In response Pat read a couple of short paragraphs from Joan Borysenko’s Pocket Full of Miracles — the readings for Thursday and Friday, April 14 and 15. As often happens with this Borysenko book, the words fit perfectly. I entered them into my Quotes section of my Website — click here to check them out. I titled them The Ego and the Higher Self. I felt myself settle down to these readings.
Pat commented on how important it is to do our spiritual practices otherwise we can get swept away by circumstances that trigger us. How true. How true. This morning time with Pat is such an important part of my spiritual practice — as she says it is for her. In this regular sharing we face truth and in doing so sooth the bouncing ways of life in this dualistic environment we live in on Planet Earth.