Life Mastery: The Art of Shattering Old Structures and Following One's Bliss
Coffee Time – Tuesday
Yesterday brought the juxtaposition of two events. The first was Pat’s and my first Skype call with Sage Walker and Anthony Wilson to consider doing a couple’s intensive with them in July and then perhaps continuing on with them for a year of couple’s counseling. The second event was my call with a body-consciousness group that I was a participant in last year for the purpose of considering another year of that program and determining what that might look like.
Beginning with the first event, Pat had been more tentative than I regarding working with Sage and Anthony. I more easily jump into things (the “scout” of our twosome) and Pat more the discerning one (will this really work for us?, a cautiousness to balance my adventurer’s spirit).
The call was amazing! Pat and I could freely share our journeys, how the two of us came together, our edges around matters of vulnerability, intimacy, sexual expression, spontaneity, embodiment, and the like. Sage and Anthony took us in, were enlivened by our energies and our earnest passion to “go for” a deeper relationship and to use our relationship as the “path within the path.” Sage and Anthony have been there themselves, but respected our long journeys as well, so an engagement would have a kind of mutuality to it.
They noted that couples seeking what we are seeking and being so passionately committed to such a couple’s journey as we were describing is rare in their experience, and they appreciate us finding them, however that came about. They spoke of the willingness to die as we give up aspects of our individuality in service to experiences of Union – the never-ending death/resurrection spiral of Life. “This is worthy work – and it is work for the planet, not just for ourselves.” They sensed a “soul’s Knowing” in us that had led us to them. They used words like, “deeply touched,” “simpatico,” “heart-felt opening of resonance,” “moved,” “we are near the same age and same stage in our life – lending a sense of mutuality to such an engagement,” and the like. They saw, honored and resonated with our desire, enthusiasm, and earnest passion for couple’s work. They saw all that we shared as grist for the mill of our work and growth.
At one point I shared my longing for more spontaneity in Pat’s and my relationship. They could pick up on my longing and note the criticality of coming to spontaneity via embodiment. And then noted that being spontaneous and embodied is truly being vulnerable – something that scares even them!
I got there point. Looking at Pat’s and my relationships I could easily understand that when I am not sufficiently in my body my spontaneity is ungrounded and more of a wishful thinking head thing, a demand from my inner kid. This unconsciously ungrounded spontaneity initiating from me would frighten Pat – she wanted me to be more embodied. Pat noticing that I was not in my body at such times and telling me so, of course, would trigger me, feeling shame around not being in my body, again. But Sage and Anthony, in listening to my description or our “beautiful problem,” so quickly picking up on this dynamic between us gave me a thrill. I felt so affirmed both in Pat’s and my relationship and in our commitment to couplehood. “Enlivened” and “inspired” are also words that would work for me. And yes a little fear as well.
After the call Pat, too, was full of joy and enthusiasm, feeling so affirmed by them. So a big “YES!” from both of us. We have no idea of what will unfold from this engagement, but the resonance of it being “right action” on our part is unquestionable. Truly, this offers us the opportunity for breaking out of our old patterns in our relationship and daring to follow our bliss! Day by day, month by month, year by year.
The second event involved the body-consciousness group that met yesterday evening. Try as I would to be present and open, the group call just did not seem to enliven or resonate with me. And it was hard to allow this – something in me wanted it to work, demanded that it work. Was it my need to support the leader? Etc. Etc. As the practice and meeting progressed I became increasingly agitated and frustrated. Could I be open to being agitated and frustrated? Could I share my feelings with the leader? If not, am I colluding, manipulating, or entering into a co-dependency with the leader? This was familiar territory – it happened with a men’s group that I was in several years ago. I was there too long, had the same anxieties, and it was hard to acknowledge that these feelings were there, that this men’s group was not my path.
Pat: This is your edge – giving yourself permission to go to the energy that draws you. “You have that right, you know.” Gary: Yes, having these two experiences on the same day makes the point for me – what I am drawn to and what not! My gut Knows. My feeling-self Knows. But my mind tries to figure out ways to make it work, to rationalize myself away from my deeper Knowing out of fear of upsetting folks and who knows what other dynamics within.
Gary: This getting involved in things that have not been part of my Essence has been a pattern from childhood on: piano lessons, scouts, band, all sorts of church activities, school, even my relationships with women. These were NOT me. Pat: But this getting involved, sometimes intensely, with things not of your Essence was you back then. That is what you did — commit to things that did not really fit you. That was that you back them. But this is not the you that you are today. It is only as we become conscious that we can see our previous unconsciousness. Gary: Right. So now I need to look at all that I do. What enlivens me? What does not? What is of my Essence? What is not? The path of following my Call, my Bliss.
Pat: And I have some things I have to look at too. There are things I have to start saying “No” to. And it will be hard – not wanting to hurt people’s feelings, etc. Gary: This is like a chick breaking out of its shell. And because Life is a spiral, we break out over and over again – breaking out of structures at deeper and more engrained levels. Perhaps living this spiral of death/resurrection experiences IS Life Mastery.
Shared with love, Gary