Experiencing my Observer Self, a Deeper Consciousness

During my meditation Wednesday morning a peace came upon me. It seemed I could look out and see others as they really are without my positive or negative projections clouding my view of the other. It was a new experience for me it seemed.  The experience caught my attention. I could see each person in my life as having both Divine Rays as well as blocks and other Lower Self aspects and also Mask Self aspects. From here all could be real in their respective incarnated bodies. The experience was as if a cloud lifted and a peace settled upon me. Here I could be surrounded by Pat, my family members, my Pathwork friends and colleagues, my counselors, my workers, my fellow Pathwork board and committee members, and the like. The environment was soft rather than jagged.

And I could see myself, “Gary,” from this same place. Who is here? Who is “Gary” this morning? I engaged my feelings to see who was here. This Gary who was present was encouraged and pleased by several things in his environment: another person signed up for both the Pathwork graduate program and the Pathwork Transformation Program; folks had visited my website and spent time on it; the experience and insight I just shared about truly being a compassionate, objective observer of others; and so on. These experiences enlivened this “Gary.” I felt energized!

Then there were other energies in this “Gary” who was here this morning – points of disharmony and discouragement in his life: one member of a committee he is on had exhibited a “take charge” behavior that bothered “Gary”; another on another committee was not being responsive on something needing immediate attention; “Gary” held resentment at facing  the situation of having to spend considerable time editing the audio and video recordings he had made at Karen’s Memorial Service – a process he was not at all sure he could do, at least not obviously of easily — why did he say he would; he was flustered about coming up with an agenda for the Pathwork Council Meeting the next morning; and so on.

Here was both a “Higher Self” “Gary” feeling enthused by things alive in him as well as the “inner child” “Gary” being in the dualistic world called earth. But another “I” could observe all of this and especially this “child” “Gary.” This more consious observer could smile on Gary rather than identify with him. Pat:  Yes, that who is awakening, the observer, has not really been around in me until the last year or so. All of this awakening is coming to see all of ourselves and to identify with more of our respective Real Selves rather than identifying with the “child” pieces in each of us. I am reminded of Paramahansa Yogananda and his Self-Realization Fellowship – coming to see all of ourselves as our real selves, so much beyond the less conscious aspects of our child-selves.

Pat: When I am closed down I do not have the experience of connecting to my real self, of connecting to the observer self who has more consciousness than the child in me. Gary: Yes. And Eva Pierrakos tried to sum up the Pathwork in a book she titled The Path to the Real Self. And to experientially have this greater awareness, this “feel” of the observer watching over all our other inner players is part of this awakening.

Gary:  When I am identified with the “child” “Gary” I do not have the skills, the consciousness, to navigate through the patterns my child self has taken on to defend himself from the inevitable pains of his life on Planet Earth. I’d rather identify with that part of me that brings happiness — but there is part of my child self in that as well. This is our challenge: to raise our inner children.

Pat: The “Awakening Into Presence” practices I have been faithful to these past six years have begun to provide me with the feel for when I am Clear and Present. Gary, how do you know when you are Clear and Present? Gary: Thanks for the question. The question itself brings up fear in me! Will I get the answer right? Will I be discovered to be spiritually unenlightened? Of course that is my child Gary in pattern. So right now I can experience my clarity and presence in being the observer of the “child Gary” in his worries and defenses. So I feel clarity and presence when I do my daily review practice – actually, more often than daily now, like just now, my moment-by-moment review of how my child is feeling. I feel more alive at such times.

And this happens in our time of reflecting and sharing in our morning coffee time as well as when I am reading Pathwork lectures and blogging. At such times it feels like I am swimming in more clarity and Truth and Love, and in that I feel a certain peace. And of course the key is to not get caught in the child consciousness that is always there. Hold the child. Love the child. Feel what the child feels. But do not identify with the child. I am more than the child part of me that has no other option but to be caught in pattern.

Pat: So this is seeing life from a broader perspective – identifying with the one who can see. Gary: Yes. As one of the Lectures says, “He who observes is more conscious than the one being observed.” The observer has a clearer, broader perspective. There is more equanimity from the place of the observer. And we are not to overly attach to the observer either it seems. Increasingly we become the observer of the observer of the observer of the child self. Perhaps the ultimate observer is our Higher Self, our God Self. With our God Self we can identify. Pat: Identification is key. From our teachings the three questions arise: “Who’s here?” “Who knows who’s here?” and “Who experiences the knowing?”

Pat: (after a pause in our conversation Pat changes the subject) Prayer is an action of the heart. Gary: Perhaps prayer is a state of being or a state of Presence. Pat: We pray for those we know who are suffering. Gary: With expectancy but no specific expectations – in prayer we are adding positive energy to the Cosmos, we are adding to the benign nature of the Cosmos, our attitude of well-wishing and positive predisposition for all beings does that. Pat: The natural arising of compassion. Out of emptiness arises compassion – all that manifests manifests out of love.

Shared in love, Gary