An Oh-So-Wonderful Day

The day began at 2:00 AM when I woke up and could not return to sleep.  The thought of home floated up.  Do I long for home? How would I describe the feeling of being home? Feeling free and beloved came to mind.  Significantly, I noticed that coming home from our one-week retreat led me to feel here in our home as if I were in a foreign land.  I felt more home when Pat and I were at retreat than when we were at home. I guess this is contraction after being widely expanded on our retreat, a natural retraction.  I could return to bed.

Upon arising, in meditation my reflection on home continued.  I did not want to be sentimental looking back, but just wanted to feel what home was for me growing up. My fondest memories were building with construction toys, reading, pursuing various hobbies such as chemistry, electronics, and astronomy.  Learning was my juice.  Along with Beethoven.  As I reflected I noticed the absence of people. “What is up here?,” I wondered. Were my fondest home feelings that devoid of people?   Pat and I dove into this question for each of us in our 1-hour coffee time.  It was rich, revealing, and nurturing.

After gym, I entered into a deeply engaging hour and 20 minute conversation with my Pathwork friend Jenny.  It was intense and again quite rich. Near the end of our conversation she confronted me with an integrity issue. I got it and was thankful.  I was amazed that I honestly was thankful and not defended, thankful that she revealed a blind spot for me that I had missed entirely.  Well not missed entirely.  I had had a sense about it, but had looked the other way for my convenience. I took in my feelings of gratefulness. Such a rich Pathwork friendship.

Then off to lunch with a friend from my former church.  I was inspired by his passion over various activities he is considering in retirement.  His excitement, no, rather his deep passion, was palpable.  I loved our engagement.  We went on for well over an hour before I was off to work with Patty Mahaffey on our 6-lesson series coming up in April based on Pathwork but which is actually turning into a broader spirituality series.  Engaging and again rich.  Our engagement lasted over two hours as we talked what our purpose was, how we wanted to honor each participant, listen, and witness growth in each of us. Again I felt full and alive when I left.

The evening concluded with an hour and a half dinner with my A Course In Miracles friend Jeanne. We dove deeply into the differences and similarities between The Course and Pathwork. Each of us brings many years of committed experience to our respective paths, and this history contributed to the richness of the dialogue. We were amazed at the similarities between The Course and Pathwork — and also amazed and pleased by how so many such programs are emerging at this time on the planet. Such as The Way of Mastery published by the Shanti Christo Foundation. I learned a lot in this exchange, and again experienced a rich time of engagement.

The day also included listening to a Pathwork Lecture on Prayer (Lecture 36) as well as a talk by Ira Progoff. These additions nurtured me as well.   So I take in that there were many times of high energy, high nurturance, and high engagement during this day.

But the day also included valleys of nervousness. Did I get enough checked off my “To Do” list?  In my rich engagements, did I talk too much with my friends?  Was I pushy, not listening well enough?  It matters not, but I want to look at why I would have any nervousness at all in these rich engagements. Afraid to be me? Probably, thinking that I had to be a certain way to be accepted even by these good friends. When I was honest, however, I saw that I had dared to be me, and hence, I suppose, some fear. But still why the fear?  Not being my usual self-critic, but rather just observing my nervous energy that accompanies my enlivening nature in these engagements. Smiling. And holding so much gratitude when I take it all in! As Pat says of such a day, it was, indeed, “An oh-so-wonderful day.” Amen.