A Couple's Intensive – Part 6: Tuesday in Geneva; Coffee Time, More Splits
I notice more splits in regard to my head/heart split in reference to the Enneagram THREE. I also have a strong RIGID Characterological structure, which reinforces my head/heart split. My interactions with others seem to be mostly head-to-head, finding heart-to-heart connections challenging.
I also notice that I have some distortions regarding my Tribe. Who is in my Tribe? I notice that in considering the graduate program as a chance to help create my Pathwork Tribe that I accept some into this arena and others not. I asked Pat about her sense of finding her Tribe in her Awakening Into Presence Sangha (community in Buddhism). Pat: Our community seems to be coming together in the AIP email forum. Gary: Dropping to a heart connection when the exchanges are primarily via email seems challenging to me, almost oxymoronic – how can mere words in an email help people connect from the heart? Pat: But we do – the emails are very deep sharing.
Gary: I notice that I would not even read my own blog if I were not writing it. Part of this is my being an auditory learner, but I get a lot more out of carefully reading the Pathwork Lectures than out of blogs and much other writing. Pat: Your connection is with the Pathwork Guide, and your connection with the Guide seems to be a heart connection.
Pat: What is “looking for your Tribe” all about? Sangha means a community of practitioners practicing a common spiritual practice. This common-practice community is quite different from trying to find “comfort” in one’s “lost family.” This latter is mostly patterned behavior, not truly a Tribe of common practitioners. Tribe or sangha is much deeper than one’s lost family it seems to me.
Gary: Sage Walker described our time of us four together in our intensive as “Timeless,” that is, out of the realm of time. When Jenny, Mary and I are together we are in a timeless zone. Your and my coffee time has a timeless quality, as does my time with the Pathwork Lectures. Perhaps “Timelessness” is a measure of one being in his or her Tribe.
Pat: Timelessness suggests Presence, unconditional openness to whatever arises. Out of a deep yearning in you for Erena’s unique capacities to hold sacred space you are using your energies to manifest the graduate program through her. Now it seems you have to hold the outcomes of your efforts to help build this program loosely – not rigidly, not “Yes” to some coming and “No” to others coming. Gary: Thank you, thank you. I recall Pathwork Lecture 151 ¶ 4 where it says:
… You fluctuate at all times between a definite yes and a definite no. No discovery can ever be made with this attitude. The attitude must truly be, “Is it possible? Could it be? I will honestly look and consider the possibility, with all sincerity and without shirking any effort, in any direction that may prove to be necessary.”
So with the graduate program I have been holding onto a definite “Yes” in one area and a definite “No” in another. I did not see how I was doing this before. Now I see this definiteness as part of my RIGID Character Structure. And in seeing this pattern of rigidity in me I can begin to let it go. And as I do this in this moment I notice that suddenly I feel more relaxed, more open to outcomes in the graduate program, say.
Pat: Yes, that’s it! Yes, that’s it! That is stalking your patterns of rigidity – seeing the structure of rigidity you have built so that you do not have to feel the pain of not getting what you think you want. You can now say, “I am not going to live this rigid structure when I recognize its presence.” This rigid structure must be dismantled for fluidity to be there, for you to be in the flow of life. Gary: Wow, thank you for helping to see this pattern of rigidity deeply etched upon my soul substance. This pattern must be seen, accepted, worked through and dissolved.
This reminds me of Pathwork Lecture 194 Meditation: Its Laws and Various Approaches – A Summary (Mediation A Positive Life Creation) ¶ 19
… If you feel weakness and doubt in your statement of intent, it is an immediate sign that you must first deal with your obstructions, and your attention should be turned, for instance, to uncovering unconscious negativities, aspects of the lower self, or distorted concepts.
So these words apply directly to my until-now-unconscious rigidity about the graduate program, my Tribe, and many other things. I am filled with shame when I realize how this rigidity has affected my effectiveness in work at Sevenoaks and so much else of life. This rigidity relates to my mind/heart split. But now softening into a deeper experience of “what is” is like stepping into the River of Life – splashing around with the others.
At this point I looked up and saw a speedboat racing across Lake Seneca in front of us. When I saw this very physical experience that another was having, my rigid mind did not relate and thought that this racing about is foolish and wasteful. But with awareness, my heart opened and wow, oh yes, could I feel the morning wind against my face as I race in my speedboat! Actually this points to another split in me and that is head vs. body. And what I was witnessing with the speedboat may be more related to body experience than either heart or head.
Such a beautiful way to begin the day with Pat.
Shared in love, Gary