A Couple's Intensive — Part 4: "I Am Not Enough," Chaos, Avoidance

The morning of the third day, our final day with Sage and Anthony, was a very deep session for both Pat and me — the deepest of our time in the intensive. In this second-to-last session I was able to experience a felt sense in me, a profound image that was awakened through all the rejection of my longing for connection and love with a woman, including the early experiences of rejection by Pat – an image that I am not enough, that I am fundamentally not enough.

Sage and Anthony said that both Pat and I must feel my pain and grief of not being enough and Pat’ pains as well. Without feeling these pains, we shall not feel the joy of love. This mutual feeling of each other’s pains, and our own, is emotional intercourse.  So the first seeds of emotional intercourse were planted and experienced.

The session was deep beyond words. We are glad we recorded our entire intensive – 12 hours in all – so we can go back and mine what arose in these two days and an evening.

Then in the afternoon session, our last session of the intensive, we experienced chaos, blocks to going deeper, and patterned chatter. Somehow we left behind the depths we had reached in the morning session and got off course into money, doing too much, etc. It was not clear why Pat and I chose not to go deeper. My blocks included tiredness in me. Or changing the topic from the pains we had begun to uncover in the morning. Sage and Anthony were shocked that we moved away from the deep place of the previous session.  They even wondered and shared their sense of why they did not stop us and take us back to these places of pain and emotional connecting we got to in the morning session. Pat and I appreciated their honesty even in this sharing. But it was all part of the process and there is much to mine here as well.

In the end, Sage described time of our intensive as timeless, a very positive sign. The four of us had entered this space two days ago without knowing whether or not it would work, whether or not we four would experience connection. Experiencing the time together as timeless confirmed that we were, in fact, truly connected. This is something to celebrate in its own right.

And she confirmed my being a mystic – “takes one to know one.”

This intensive was truly a worthwhile experience for us both! We left exhausted in such a wonderful way. Now the aftermath — time away just the two of us for a couple of days and then time with spiritual friends in Vermont and New York. It would be another week before we returned to our condo in Milford, Ohio. How would we reconfigure as all of this new experience settled into our respective beings?

Shared in love, Gary