Archive for June 2013

… what I left out was the physical, emotional, and sexual aspects of my Essence. These aspects were quite undeveloped, especially as related to my connecting to women.

In fact I did not “get” that simple presence held any particular value at all, and that what Pat really values in me is my simple but full presence to her – as the quote from Thich Nhat Hahn says.

A sudden sense of having wasted my entire life surfaces. Do I leave the planet any better than I found it? Was that even important? Does any single life really matter in the end? An existential purposelessness sets in.

I am reminded of the Pathwork teachings on bypassing. – trying to experience “pleasure supreme” by going around rather than through my attachment avoidance defenses, negativities, and, above all, rather than truly healing my negative intentionality through a process of purification and transformation.

… I had no such connection that I could remember in my entire life. Could this be true? It seemed like bonding 101, yet I could not say that this had been a felt experience for me.

“So, Gary, is that OK with you that you do not like people?” My immediate answer of course was, “Absolutely not! It is not OK to not like people.” “Not liking people” violated core “shoulds” in my Idealized Self Image.