I began this morning’s coffee time with Pat with the statement, “Sevenoaks is perplexing to me.” With Sevenoaks I experience connection and growth, but also anger, overwhelm, frustration, confusion, the pain of not knowing, even hopelessness at times. Pat queried, “Is it Sevenoaks or your relationship with Sevenoaks that is perplexing?” “Both, one feeds the other.”
Last Monday my Pathwork friend Jenny got me onto Pathwork Lecture 162 Three Levels of Reality for Inner Guidance. It was one I had not recorded, maybe had not even read, but I instantly got into it and was moved deeply by it. This lecture speaks of three levels of reality. After beginning with 0) Pre-reality, it adds the three realities of 1) what I think exists, 2) what actually exists, and 3) what could exist. I realized that my comments opening my coffee time with Pat this morning, expressing my exasperation with Sevenoaks, meant I was mostly in the state of 0) Pre-reality. I did not know specifically what I thought or felt with regard to Sevenoaks, only vaguely and generally. This awareness of being at a stage of pre-reality is a good self-realization, a good starting point.
Pat was led to a quote from her path, “If your life isn’t palpably changing, you are in pattern.” That mapped into ¶40 from L162, “The way you can gauge whether you have arrived at what you ought to know about yourself at the moment is the only reliable gauge there is: Do you have the feeling of utter relief and liberation, of being energized and light? If so, you can be absolutely sure that you have attained, at this moment, the level of self-knowledge that you ought to have. When this feeling is missing, you can be quite sure that many answers are still outstanding and that you need to find them. You need to ask yourself the appropriate questions.” Clearly, I must have some questions to ask of myself regarding Sevenoaks and my role in it. Questions about ME, not about Sevenoaks and others in leadership.
Pat felt compelled to offer another bit of wisdom from her program, “The wise King does not carry the biggest sword, but rules in a way that the sword is not needed.” She held out hope for me in my role of leadership with her next words, “You are very good at asking the right questions. And even though you don’t see it, your heart is right there so that others can see what needs to be seen.”
Pat then offered words from The Four Agreements, the first agreement being “Be impeccable in your word.” You are an Enneagram THREE, holding the virtue of Veracity. Be very careful about what you say. Your word manifests not only by the speaking but by the energy and force that goes with it. Your words can be used for the good or for the bad.”
We, the Sevenoaks leadership are planning a leadership retreat for April. I was thinking, “Boy, we should build our retreat around Pathwork Lecture 162.” This would be powerful, I believe. Where is each of us in the fog of pre-reality – where we are not even truly aware of what we think exists regarding Sevenoaks? Where is each of us in what we think exists regarding Sevenoaks and our various roles in it? Together, can we discern what actually exists? And from there can we explore, even experience, what is possible to exist? How exciting such a leadership retreat could be, I could feel my energy for this.
But my pattern is to jump into action. “Oh, why don’t I send Lecture 162 out to all the leadership! — Right NOW!” But I can see that this approach could be all wrong. Perhaps I need to apply this lecture to myself before throwing it over the wall for others. Perhaps this is a time to lead by example, not by using my sword to get others to read and apply this lecture to their lives. Can I first try coming out of my own fog, navigating through my own process of finding the three levels of reality for inner guidance?
Pat continued, “You have an obligation to complete this task. You are on the Council. You are on the Board. Your teachers have arrived: Sevenoaks and your various roles in Sevenoaks, these are your teachers! Your prayers for growth have been answered! Just when I was thinking about resigning because it is all just too much, Pat suggests that resignation would be saying no to my teachers. It seems that resigning is not an option.
Wow! Quite a morning of coffee time. In all of this I began with my perplexity and unsettlement with Sevenoaks. I saw how that pointed to something that has to be discovered in me, that Sevenoaks was actually called in by the Cosmos to be my teacher. That Lecture 162 was delivered just in time for me to use it — for me, just in time for school!
Even in this awareness I experience the fog lifting somewhat. I feel relief when I realize I do not have to fix Sevenoaks or offer herculean effort. Rather, I just have to be me. When I can do that, Lecture 162 would suggest, anything is possible!
So on with my work: Get out of the fog. What do I think exists? What do I feel? Is this really true? What actually does exist? … What could be possible.
Oh, one other point. About in the middle of our coffee dialog Pat suggested, “The King needs a confidant, one with whom the King can mull things over. This confidant cannot be from your peers. Who could it be? Your helper? But she is not available all the time.” The question remained open. Later in the morning I got what is so obvious. In the kitchen I said, “Pat, I know who my confidant is with whom I can mull things over.” Pat was pleased. “So who is that?” “You, my dear!” After the shock wore off she said, “Why of course.” Amen.